Have you ever felt like you are being led somewhere, but you have no idea where that “where” is? It is like someone you trust comes to you and says, close your eyes and take my hand. Your mind starts racing, “Is it my birthday?” “Did I win something?” “Is this a joke?” But you follow, hoping that you won’t stumble, trying to fight the urge to peek wanting to know where you are going but not wanting to ruin the surprise or your friends trust.
That is where we are at right now in our life. Our friend who is asking us to close our eyes and follow him is Jesus. We know we are moving, we just don’t know where. We don’t know how big or how involved this move is going to be. We just know we are taking Jesus’s hand and walking.
One of the reasons we are moving is because, well, we have to move. We don’t have an option. We can’t stay here. It causes me to have many feelings of inadequacies. I have a lot of fear, a lot of doubt and a lot of worry based on me.
What is thy servant, that thou shouldest look upon such a dead dog as I am? – 2 Samuel 9:8
I read today’s (May 27th) Morning and Evening devotional by Spurgeon and 2 Samuel 9:13 was the focus of the devotion. Talk about perfect timing. Here is a guy with lame feet welcomed to the table of the king. Oh what great love and grace has the King for us!
Such is the love which the Father bears to His only begotten, that for His sake He raises His lowly brethren from poverty and banishment, to courtly companionship, noble rank, and royal provision. Their deformity shall not rob them of their privileges. Lameness is no bar to sonship; the cripple is as much the heir as if he could run like Asahel. Our right does not limp, though our might may. A king’s table is a noble hiding-place for lame legs, and at the gospel feast we learn to glory in infirmities, because the power of Christ resteth upon us.
Spurgeon, “Morning and Evening”
This was the prelude to my prayer time. What a great way to enter into prayer! I turned on iHeart radio so random worship songs would be played while I started my time. First song built upon the devotion.
And I find myself here on my knees again
Caught up in grace like an avalanche
Nothing compares to this love love love
Burning in my heart
No matter what I have done, no matter what I have thought of myself, God’s grace is so much bigger. My mistakes, my poor choices, my sin… all of it combined is no match for His love and grace.
Through this whole time I have been sure of one thing: I am following Jesus!
I have had moments of fear, moments of doubt, moments of questioning Him and myself but in the end I know for sure that I am following where He is leading me. I am not left alone like a desolate house.
And I find myself here sitting among cardboard boxes… feeling like a lame dog but caught up in His grace like an avalanche. I do not know when or where we are going, I just know that we are going. I know I don’t like the circumstances. I know I don’t like and don’t understand how it is happening.
Give ear, and hear my voice;
give attention, and hear my speech.
Does he who plows for sowing plow continually?
Does he continually open and harrow his ground?
When he has leveled its surface,
does he not scatter dill, sow cumin,
and put in wheat in rows
and barley in its proper place,
and emmer as the border?
For he is rightly instructed;
his God teaches him.
Dill is not threshed with a threshing sledge,
nor is a cart wheel rolled over cumin,
but dill is beaten out with a stick,
and cumin with a rod.
Does one crush grain for bread?
No, he does not thresh it forever;
when he drives his cart wheel over it
with his horses, he does not crush it.
This also comes from the LORD of hosts;
he is wonderful in counsel
and excellent in wisdom.
(Isaiah 28:23-29 ESV)
God knows there is a time and purpose for the upheaval of plowing. He knows things need to be mixed up in order to affect change. He also knows what seeds and how the seeds need to be planted in order to bear the most fruit. I am not sure what God is doing, but I know that we are following him and that He doesn’t make a mistake or a wrong turn. His purposes, His will, His plans are higher, greater, and bigger than anything I could ever imagine and I am trusting in Him and doing whatever I can to follow.
“Men will see what my faith is by what my faith does when I openly exercise it in their presence.” Kenny Luck (Twitter)
This part of our life is a struggle for me. It is hard. It is not fun or desireable to go through but it comes with a ton of hope and that hope is what is getting us through it all. The hope is first of all from God. It is that God has something much bigger and better than I could ever imagine. It is the gravy for my mashed potatoes when I was just asking for potatoes. The hope is that by going through this, I will be better equipped to help others walk through it as well.
Saviour and Friend
Breathing Your life into my heart
Your word is the lamp unto my path
Forever I’m humbled by Your love
And it is because of His love that I am able to continue to say:
Take my life
Take all that I am
With all that I am I will love You
Take my heart
Take all that I have
Jesus how I adore You
I prayed a dangerous prayer last year, very similar to the bridge above, that I would go wherever God would take me. (And by me, I mean us meaning my family). Now we are going through a trial, something that could take our eyes off of Jesus, and I could try to turn to something else to pull us through. But as Peter says in his first letter, we are keeping our eyes on our King in order that our faith “may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.”
What area or areas of your life can you turn over to God today? What about your whole life? What is holding you back?
*Lyrics from Hillsong United, “Like an Avalanche”